Getting Over Approach Anxiety And The Fear Of Rejection

July 10, 2015


  •  Why You Shouldn’t Take Rejections Personally
  • Rejection Does Not Kill You
  • Fast Way To Get Rid Of Approach Anxiety
  • Amazing Exercise To Overcome Shyness

Why You Shouldn’t Take Rejections Personally

A lot of men are afraid that by being rejected they will feel less of a man and people may talk/laugh/point at them. Particularly if you are being natural, as no one likes to feel that they were rejected for being themselves. As you can imagine, the psychological effects of rejection are often magnified and foster issues ranging from poor self-esteem to having less patience for family and friends. Some people even kick small animals; there are a lot of sore guinea pigs around.

The idea behind rejection anxiety stems from the belief that if a woman rejects your advance she rejects you personally.

This is far from the truth.

Attractive women get approached constantly by men wanting to bed them, the moment they realise your initial intentions are sexual they will often put up their defenses and test you. It is better to play it cool, fly under the radar and only communicate your interest once their defenses have lowered. Look at it logically, how can they reject you personally when they know nothing about you, your history, your groups of friends, how fun you can be and how interesting you are.

Most men would say their looks are not good enough, and even though looks can help, a lot of amazing looking men still get nowhere. Women respond more to playfulness, mixed messages and exclusivity than to looks. The only thing that intimidates you about a good-looking woman is that you are afraid that they will uncover your intentions and then have total control over you. One of the best ways to fly under the radar is by removing that fear by implementing a series of techniques to trick your mind into not being nervous.

Rejection Does Not Kill You

The thing is, everyone gets rejected, even the best. There are some women that have had a bad experience that night that has put them in a poor mood. You do not know what has happened to them that night to make them like that. A mood can change in a second if a guy earlier said something offensive to them or out of nervousness “Your dress is so hot, it makes me want to masturbate” or perhaps they just had some bad seafood, these things will always get in the way of any well executed interaction.

Either that hot chick in the mini skirt and boob tube you have had your eye on is a nun or a lesbian… possibly even a lesbian nun. Either way, forget it and move on. If you want to get laid more, then be more efficient. If you feel like you are not getting anywhere with someone or it is too hard then tell them it was nice meeting them and go talk to someone else.

Never get angry and never show you are affected by rudeness. Often these too can be tests women use on men. Be relaxed, even be surprised that they did not want to talk to you. Their loss: there is only one of you and millions of good-looking women, the odds are in your favor.

Fast Way To Get Rid Of Your Approach Anxiety

To fully get over approach anxiety rather than just fake your way through it or still have a slight inkling of it in the back of your mind, you need to start small and work your way up. Most pick-up disciplines get you to go straight up and open an attractive woman with a regular “Hi I’m Jim” or canned opinion opener “Who’s more slutty, Britney or Christina?”

This works to alleviate your fear of rejection and approach anxiety if you do it a few hundred times however ninety percent of guys never get to that level because they cannot handle any more than six or seven rejections.

A twenty-one day approach course that I did a few months ago gave me some good ideas. To help get over your fear of approaching they started off by getting my buddy Ven and I to approach people 30 times each, within two hours, every day, doing standard things like asking for the time, directions or even coffee. Even though this was a minor part of the course it was highly beneficial as not only do you get complacent with the fear of approaching after being exposed to it so much but you also learn how to be socially savvy (also referred to as congruent).

After you ask the hottest women you can find the same thing over and over you realize that their reactions are based purely on your delivery rather than what you say. I urge you to go out and practice this small exercise together with a friend and play around with your facial expressions, eye contact and body language. To give you some quick tips:

Smile but not too much; imagine your best friend just won the lottery and what your expression would be: this is the smile you want.

Furrow your brow slightly (watch any Pierce Brosnan or George Clooney movie to get an idea of this).

Speak with a consistent tone, do not rush your words; be laid back. Have your hands free to gesticulate and keep them away from anything you can fidget with.

Posture: shoulders should not be angled forward; chest out and most importantly have your chin up one inch more than you usually would so you are almost looking down at them.

Amazing Exercise To Overcome Shyness

If you are really shy try breaking yourself into the mode of approaching women with talk of mundane things and then work your way up to actual conversations. Above I mentioned that 21 day approaching course I did. Every day it would get a little harder, we would have to ask women directions, compliment them, then sit down with them, then touch them etc. You can do this yourself but you need to do it with a partner.

The aim is that after you ask the first 20 people you become so complacent with rejection or your anxiety that you legitimately will not give a damn anymore and you will feel your shyness progressively deplete.Let me save you some time and briefly outline what to do:

Ask 30 women each (you and a partner) for the time
Ask 30 women each (you and a partner) for the time whilst pointing to your watch
Ask 30 women each (you and a partner) for directions.
Compliment 30 women each (you and your partner) e.g. that’s the funkiest top I’ve seen all day. And then continue walking.
Compliment 30 women each whilst being in an excited mindset. Imagine you are excited about knowing their response, think back to a time you were excited and get that feeling into your body and then approach.

Actually Getting Out There

Most people who learn anything new that is even remotely scary or different never go out and practice it. They kid themselves that they know what to do and might be able to teach others how to do it effectively yet they themselves have never had any practical experience. Using certain tactics to help you pick up is a scary thing; it has scared every man (except Chuck Norris) at one point in their lives.

The best way to make sure that you practice what you have learnt is to tell your friends, prior to going out, that you intend to do 10 cold approaches that night. You need to quantify it because if you do not have a number and a time frame you will get nowhere. It is a lot easier to let yourself down rather than someone else, particularly now that you have put your ego on the line. A close friend of mine quit smoking by handing out 100 business cards to her closest friends saying she will quit. Now that everyone knows she cannot let them all down by doing it again. So, in regards to picking up, tell you mates before you go out that night that you will be approaching at least 10 women that night or that you will not touch a beer or yourself until you have received a number from a woman. This will force you to go out and do what none of us enjoy doing initially. A few weekends of awkwardness is a small price to pay for a lifetime of women.

For more information on how to get rid of your fear of rejection, shyness and approach anxiety go now and check out my Online Dating Course for Men: There you can find lessons and videos that are guaranteed to help you with your anxieties.

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