How to Keep A Conversation Interesting On a Date
WHAT WILL YOU LEARN IN THIS GUIDE
- What To Do If The Conversation Doesn’t Hook
- Great Example Conversation
- How To Make The Conversation Exciting
- Relate With Women On An Emotional Level
What To Do If The Conversation Doesn’t Hook
If the conversation still does not hook after the third hit (story) you now need a more proactive way to get the group / person to contribute. If your story is something that most people will not be able to relate to you need to either make it a story that has a common setting or situation where something normal goes wrong.
The problem is that usually the stories people don’t relate to, the obscure, strange stories that take people by surprise are the ones that engage them because they did not expect the punch line. Why don’t they expect the punch line? Because they can’t relate to what you are saying.
To counter this you need to use a PBE – Personal Broad Experience. PBE is a term I coined to help remind students to stop talking at the targets and starting talking with them to get them to contribute. A PBE is usually vague, relates to a feeling, emotion or common occurrence and is designed to communicate on an emotional level rather than a factual one.
A Great Example On How To Talk To Girls
Take this example I had whilst helping a student during a workshop of mine:
Talking to this girl was pleasant but I felt like I needed to work to keep it above water. Conversations should not be that hard, if they cannot contribute after the three hit opener even with the fourth additional hit added on to it then you can consider leaving.
Reducing seduction down to a science is meant to make your life easier and let you get away with trying less in the long term, so just open another set. The best way to communicate what a PBE is to you is to show you.
T: you’re really tanned, its nice (pull). It reminds me of roast turkey (push)
Her: ha-ha thanks I just got back from Thailand, they have the most awesome beaches
T: don’t you just love the feeling of going to a foreign country for the first time; you feel like a kid again, everything is so new and different (PBE)
Her: tell me about it! The first day we arrived we got so lost. The cab took us to the wrong hotel and we didn’t speak Thai. We spent 2 hours arguing with them that we had a reservation and then they told us the name of the hotel
T: I can’t believe you didn’t even look at the name of the hotel to make sure it was the right one. How many Jack’s n’ Coke did you have on the plane? Sure you feel like a kid again…but not a drunk kid. What age did you start drinking (Grab)?
Her: when I was 15 I finished my first beer
T: So when you were 8 and had 10 half bottles of beer you weren’t considered an alcoholic? (Playful teasing) “I swear mum, I did my algebra, and now I deserve to relax alright!” (Impersonating a drunk child) What’s you’re favorite teddy bear’s name?
Her: Sparkle Bear
T: (continuing the impersonation of her as a drunk minor) “And you….you…Mr. Sparkle Bear…I lied when I said I loved you, all those nights I was gone I was at Fuzzy Bunny’s house having my own little tea parties!”
T: I love tea parties, they rock. I miss them though. Put your number in my phone and I’ll call you next tea party if a teddy bear gets sick and drops out
Her: um…I’m not…
T: you can do it – 04…
Her: ha-ha ok 0413881299
Long example I know, I get carried away, I can’t help it, so relax. The PBE was only used once. I wanted to communicate to you how one small PBE can keep the conversation running. Once they participate a little bit reward them for that, they have taken a small step in the right direction, one more step and participating in conversation will become their new mode.
How To Make The Conversation Exciting
Notice how a PBE is an open loop but with an emotive subject matter: a comment that is a supplement for asking a question. It is a statement designed to spark interest and get a response (discussed in ‘conversation theory).
Julia said “I just got back from Thailand, they have the most awesome beaches.” Sure there are a multitude of things you could say that are open loops or questions like:
- “How long did you go away for?”
- “Thailand is so much fun, did you hit the full moon parties?”
- “Who did you go with?”
- “Sunscreen or sun oil?”
- “The food is amazing, what were your 3 best meals?”
These may get an answer, they may even get you into another conversation but will they be passionately involved about what they talk about? They will be discussing specifics; “I ate chicken with massaman curry for dinner one night” or “The temples are great, I liked the smell of incense”.
All these things ARE conversations, however they are BORING conversations. To find out what they are passionate about, to figure out what makes them excited (which you will use to your advantage later) you need a PBE.
She says, “I just got back from Thailand, they have the most awesome beaches.” You can use a PBE to reply emotively:
“Don’t you love going to a place where you have no responsibilities for the next week or two”
“Knowing you are on holidays and so far away from home really helps you unwind”
“Holidays are the only place you can really think about nothing”
“Everything is so cheap when you go Thailand, China or Indonesia, you can just lie back and treat yourself like royalty for only $40”
In all these are PBEs, notice that they are non-specific. They are broad, vague and relate solely to feelings and emotions. We all have experienced nearly every emotion in our lives ranging from fear to anger to guilt, grief and humor. Has everyone experienced Thailand? No. This is sure to improve your vibing because not only can people relate to the emotions you are communicating, they also will associate you with the emotions you make them feel. Women think emotionally before they think logically.
If you can take them on an “emotional roller coaster” and make them feel a wide variety of feelings when they are with you this will act to build serious rapport with them. Women are attracted to a lot of men, they only sleep with the ones that they are attracted to who make them feel like they have a connection with…or if they are really drunk.
Relate With Women On An Emotional Level
Specifics can alienate people, as it is rare that they have had the same experiences as you. Talk in a general sense about experiences rather than facts; you need to relate to women on an emotional level. One article “Femme Fatale” by Joe Garofoli, talks about tests done on male to female communication. It states that during the communication process “Women have an eight-lane superhighway for processing emotion, while men have a small country road.” In other words it has been scientifically proven that women relate to emotive communication better.
Making them feel this wide variety of emotions when they are with you, in addition to time bridging (discussed in Rapport), are two key tools you can use to make them feel like they have known you for longer than they really have. PBEs are the key
Let us look at the difference between using a question, a statement (open loop) or a PBE with the “I just got back from Thailand” example mentioned above.
A question: “Sounds great, did you buy anything interesting?”, she answers you with “yes, a few T-Shirts” and then the conversation dies. If you ask a specific question you will get a specific answer.
An open loop (statement): “Thailand has the best shopping”, you will get answer but it will be one that lulls her into the friend zone as you have failed to take her on the emotional rollercoaster she needs. She might respond with “Yeh I went to a few markets, they were ok”. There’s no emotion or excitement there. You are dwelling on FACTS rather than EMOTIONS.
A Personal Broad Experience (PBE): “Thailand’s amazing, I love (PERSONAL) traveling to new countries (BROAD), that feeling of being in a totally foreign place not knowing the culture or the streets makes you feel like a kid again (EXPERIENCE)”
It is a statement that is infused with emotion and provokes a response; “I love” , “that feeling” , “feel like a kid”. The use of analogies (a simile in this case “like a kid”), the use of the second person voice (you, your, etc) probes them to answer and provokes them to relate, and finally the emotional association of her thinking of what it’s like to be a kid again and then pairing you (having instigated the emotion – refer to “Emotional Association”) with that feeling.
That was long, but that was not all. To find out more about how to talk to girls check out my Online Dating Course for Men.