Don’t Know What To Say? 3 Essential Tips for Having Conversations With Women
WHAT WILL YOU LEARN IN THIS GUIDE:
What Are Grabs?
A grab is the term I use to describe when thoughts unrelated to the one you are already talking about pop into your head. You need to work past the idea that one topic needs to relate to or logically follow on from another. To improve your conversation skills you need to grab a thought the moment it comes into you head and work it into your conversation to continually ride the wave of interest.
The grabs are not so much a process but rather a few lines you can use to fluidly integrate the new topic of conversation into the one you are having, or to end the current topic whilst they are still interested in it. Perhaps the person had a story they wanted to tell you, perhaps they were in the middle of discussing a topic and wanting to reach a conclusion, it does not matter.
Ending these topics will cause the other party to be politely frustrated. This is a good frustration, it means that deep down within them they have this urge to finish what they were saying, it makes them want to keep you there longer and keeps them more motivated to talk to you.
An example of grab may be saying:
“That reminds me of….”
“Have you ever…”
“The last time I….”
“It’s like when you…”
A Real Life Example of Using Grabs In a Conversation
Even if the grab insinuates that the two topics are related, their real purpose lies in them being figures of speech; commonly used phrases that are so prevalent within society that the literal meaning no longer is adhered to. I trained my brain to use grabs on people that I am comfortable with so my nerves did not give me a mental blank.
Remember that anyone, no matter how experienced they are, will get nervous or anxious when they talk to someone they are unbelievably attracted too. The only reason they are successful is that they learn to manage their emotions.
Here is an example:
Her name: Vanessa
Her age: 32
Location: Bus Stop
You:what did you do today?
Her: I went to work then went home to crash out
You:things are busy ey?
Her:not really, it’s just this bitch at work keeps loafing on her duties and I end up having to deal with all her responsibilities at the last minute
You:that reminds me of when my brother used to never wash the dishes at home (grab), they could seriously be sitting there for 2 weeks rotting and you know if you clean them up once it will just set the precedent that you will always be the one to do them. It made me so frustrated. My neck would tense, I’d grind my teeth and work myself up so much that I used to get this tightness across my chest (emotive language)
Her:my dad is like that, leaves everything to the last minute and only the motivation of my Mum getting angry or some deadline at work will get him off his ass
You:I hate deadlines, they make me so happy not be at school anymore. They’re these intangible dates that give you very tangible stress. Although I have to say I miss that time of not having all my responsibilities scheduled out for me. At least I knew what I was dealing with
Her:exactly, at work and even at home its like all this shit that can’t be forecasted or predicted just pops up at the most inopportune times
You:when it rains it pours (figure of speech)
Her:so true, last week I had 20 songs to produce in a week, deal with the landlord…oh he’s such an asshole, yesterday he came over like “You’re two weeks late on rent I’m going to have to kick you out”. I told him he was kind of cute and got him inside to talk about it and made him a drink. Anyhow so just as he was leaving I thought screw this and grabbed his shirt so he was only an inch away from my face…
You:(interrupting just before the story’s climax) you should just save up and buy a place. You realize your rent money is paying for his mortgage anyhow; make it pay for your own.
Realize what is happening here in my last comment, I cut her off from finishing her story just as it was getting exciting. Sure I wanted to hear the end of it but she was more eager to tell me about it than I was to listen to it.
She volunteered the story to me. I did not ask for it. Even if I was interested in the story’s end I can just ask her about it in 10 minutes time. The point is that she now wants to tell me something. She needs me to stay in the conversation; the tables have turned.
How to Cover A Large Variety of Topics Quickly
Notice how when I used the grabs on Vanessa they barely related to what the previous topic was about. Within 5 minutes of conversation Vanessa and I covered:
• Home owning
Having good conversational skills mean that not all your topics have to be really interesting. Here the ten topics covered are not totally interesting within themselves yet they maintained an interesting conversation when used in close succession to each other. Many modern TV shows are based on the same principles as grabs. Seinfeld and The Simpsons are two of the most successful shows ever made and relied primarily on having multiple storylines in one episode.
Each topic automatically brings with it different emotions that both parties feel when they discuss any one of the issues mentioned. This is important for creating rapport. Making your woman feel a wide variety of emotions when she is with you will make her feel like she knows you better. Creating comfort with her will see her less likely to feel cheap if she sleeps with you.
Know that you know how to improve your conversation skills, you might want to take a look our Online Dating Course for Men to find out how to create unbelievable amounts of attraction. The course consist of lessons and video materials that help you to improve your social skills and to get the woman you have always wanted.