The Physical Elements Of Approaching:Body Language, Eye Contact And Voice

July 31, 2015


  • One Simple Tip To Improve Your Body Language
  • How To Talk To Women: Using Your Voice Properly
  • Don’t Forget Eye Contact
  • The Physical Elements Checklist
  •  One Simple Tip To Improve Your Body Language

    Every time you go to a club or bar there are at least 10 guys in there who have gone up to a girl and have come across needy. Approaching front on so that you are face to face with the target can seem confrontational and needy at the best of times. Men also tend to lean in when they feel they need to be accepted. This kind of body language communicates neediness, which is highly unattractive.

    Approaching side on as if you are almost talking over your shoulder to them can fix the first aspect. The second aspect of leaning in can be fixed by standing up straight.

    I might sound like your mother but bear with me. Standing up straight might fix you seeming needy but it does not give you an edge. It is essential that you lean back slightly as if you are sitting in the seat of a sports car. This way you are doing something instead of not doing something. You are appearing confident and indifferent instead of just not appearing needy.

    Needy, neutral and confident bodylanguage

    When you begin your approach do not come in too close, keep a distance within a 0.5-1 meter range. Stand up straight; try to imagine you have a metal pole stuck from your neck down to your lower back. The aim is not to be stiff but rather to put your shoulders back, chest out (as apposed to hunched over) and have you chin raised an inch or so above normal height. It is almost the same kind of posture you torso takes when you are reaching for something on a high shelf.

    You do not want to come across as needy.Your body language should reflect confidence. Refrain from moving your head in closer if you cannot hear or approaching them from behind. If you cannot hear them, instead of leaning in (called pecking) simply move your whole body closer into their space and position your mouth next to their ear. Approach side on almost as if you were to talk to them over your shoulder.

    Only once they angle their torsos towards you (in other words point their bodies to face you) should you do the same and then begin talking as you normally would. When you are facing someone and they are not facing you, you will have the lower value. People who choose to listen have more power than the person talking. Demonstrate that you are not that keen on talking to them. You want to talk but you do not need to.

    Just think of it like this: every time you lean in God kills a tiny kitten as punishment. If this doesn’t work, have a friend come out with you to keep check on you posture. Tell them that if they see you leaning in towards a girl they are to come over and explain loudly and in graphic detail how much you want to have sex with her.

    I guarantee the fear of having your friend completely blow you out of your set in a very embarrassing way will be enough to make sure to you never lean in again.

    How To Talk To Women: Using Your Voice Properly

    Having a measured and calm way of speaking is highly effective in convincing someone that you are ok with yourself, your surroundings, and socializing, despite being attracted to them.

    Speaking too fast, stuttering, um-ing and ah-ing and even having a quiver in your voice are all giveaways to others that “something is bothering you” and it isn’t oil prices in Turkmenistan.

    Be animated with your voice to create interest but if you consistently talk at a high-speed people tend to think you are needy. Needy people talk fast because in their minds they believe that if people know them better they will accept them. The way they get people to know them better is by talking to them and the moment they feel an interaction is slipping through their fingers they feel a need to try to get all their information out as quickly as possible. They believe as long as they spurt out the material as quickly as can be it will give people a view of who they are in the shortest period of time, (a period of time so short it will reduce the chances of them getting rejected).

    That’s fair enough as it makes some sort of sense. But it’s wrong.

    You also run the risk doing what I do: hitting people with such high energy that they are scared to contribute to a conversation for a fear that they won’t be able to keep up. Also not a good thing; if you talk too fast, people won’t have a chance to contribute.

    I used to have a stutter and after years of speech therapy nothing worked until the therapist told me one metaphor:

    Imagine your mouth is like a tap. You can turn on the tap too strong and you will overfill your bucket or you can turn it on too weak and take hours to fill it. This is like your mouth and your brain. Your brain is working much faster than your mouth, the tap is on too strong, and sometimes what comes out of your mouth is like the water that splashes over the edge of the bucket. It’s not a steady stream of words; it’s everything that didn’t fit in the bucket, so you stutter. Whenever you feel nervous or begin to stutter
    just imagine that you are turning the tap down so that less water is coming out. Just tighten the word tap

    So, how to talk to women? The secret is to speak as calmly as possible, as if you are just talking to your local greengrocer asking for a bag of oranges. You are not anxious because you talk in a slow, measured and paced way where the tone of your voice is not fluctuating due to nervousness.

    Don’t Forget Eye Contact

    Solid eye contact is the third essential, highly obvious and often forgotten trait. It is ok to look away from their eyes at times but never look down. The moment you look down it communicates you are either nervous or ashamed.

    If you are finding it hard to maintain eye contact, look at a point in the center of their forehead. To them it looks exactly the same as if you were looking them in the eye but for you it can help calm those nerves.

    The Physical Elments Checklist

    • Confident body language – Lean back!

    • Speak at a consistent pace and tone

    • Solid eye contact

    With these instructions you will open successfully 90% of the time. What to do after opening? Go to my Online Dating Course for Men: to find out!

    No comments

    Leave a Reply

    Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *