Conversation skills with cold women – Know what to say and achieve conversation confidence
T Picking up French Ice-Queens in Paris on his 2010 World Tour
Having trouble talking to women? T will show you the practical ways to melt even the coldest ice queens with conversation starters that will help you gain confidence when wondering what to say to women.
We already know most of us don’t actually get “rejected” when we try this but we may get the occasional lame duck who refuses to cooperate in conversation. We then wonder what we can do to help remedy the situation.
How do I pick up cold hard women?
You have two choices:
1) Give up.
Say goodbye and move on because you know that the average woman is much easier to pick up than the one who barely says anything. Even though this isn’t a rejection, we often remember these instances AS rejections because we FEEL rejected even though we didn’t get her saying “get lost” (which never happens with this stuff).
2) Change the way you deal with these women.
Don’t play into the facade by talking to them casually and stating the things usually left unsaid. Understand that 95 percent of people are normal, talkative and open with the right people, even if there’s only one in their life.
These people have such a casual rapport which DOES NOT relate to their “facade” or the “pretentious demeanor” that they’re putting on just because they’re at work, with a group of friends, in a bar, etc.
This is not such an unnatural thing and if you’re able to understand it yourself, you’ll be able to actively empathize with your target and understand exactly how to crack her open.
“How do I stop being unwanted and unnoticed around women?”
We’re all usually overly polite when we meet new people. We play it safe until we get a better feel for the type of person with whom we’re dealing. If it’s an old lady friend with your mother you’ll generally hold back on the swearing and push/pull. If it’s a happy-go-lucky 21 year old who’s traveling the world, swearing, flirting and touching are not only appropriate but essential.
Congruence Is All About Being a Social Chameleon
It’s called being “congruent” but at Seduce In Seconds we call it being a “social chameleon.”
This is one major core concept into which you’re getting a glimpse. I’ve been perfecting this specific concept for three years now and only ever taught it to my students in my in-person workshops. I’m considering making it a mini-course.
Even though it was obviously born of my 4 core principles of seduction you can consider it as just another shortcut/way to use counter-intuitiveness, push/pull, indifference and playfulness.
John asked me a question in regards to the post “Speed and Simplicity With Women- 2,214 word guide”.
One of Your Questions Answered!
Do you think counter-intuitiveness is a key aspect? Could you approach a girl with something mundane like “Hi, my name is John” and still win her over using the three other principles?
Yes you can. All four principles can be used in addition to your personality to get women. At the core of it, each one of these things is important for its own specific reason. Your situation will dictate how important “counter-intuitiveness” will be. For example:
“Hi, my name is John” may indeed be counter-intuitive if all the other guys who have tried to pick up a girl before have used a “pickup line” or a “canned opener” like, “Hey, settle this argument for me, darling.” You have to remember that counter-intuitiveness is CONTEXT based. It’s not what YOU think is counter-intuitive, it’s what the target will see as counter-intuitive.
Of course, you can’t always know what the target will see as counter-intuitive unless you stalk and watch guys approaching her. It usually doesn’t take too much brain power to figure out what it means to be counter-intuitive though because don’t forget, we’re all human and most guys think and want to act just like you would. They would do the “logical” thing, which actually isn’t “Hi, I’m John” in my experience.
What does the average guy really do?
In my experience, most men:
1) Just don’t approach at all
2) Overcompensate for their nervousness and instead come on too hard or simply say something that is received as quite odd or awkward
3) Make a comment in passing to the woman that goes nowhere, for example, “Ooh, that drink looks nice” or, “How’s your night going?”
So in reality, “Hi, I’m John” can often be counter-intuitive, but you need to be aware of your context. If everyone is saying “Hi, my name is John” because it’s a corporate networking function then it will often pay to stop, observe and think “whats the opposite of “Hi, I’m John” within reason?” When I go to corporate functions like career fairs or industry exhibitions I approach people by “stating the obvious.”
Why?
Because official and proper corporate types never state the obvious. Their niceties are couched in professionalism so even if you have a big green lettuce leaf stuck in your teeth they won’t bat an eyelid. I, on the other hand, approached a stuffy woman at Sydney’s Motorshow who was trying to offload $250,000 Chinese cars to old men.
Motor show pickups are a breeze. Here was one Lexus dealer who I was able to have a play with (check the ‘Where’s Wally” glasses). It helped her break out of the professional saleswoman mode and into a fun and flirty vibe. It’s a cheap trick and I hate using it but this time I just couldn’t help myself as I’m a sucker for good props I happen to find along the way.
Example: from T’s week
Her name was Sarah and she was a Junior Partner at one of the bigger Corporate Litigation firms (in other words, she was VERY official on the face of things) but then she was hired by Lexus to manage their dealerships in the state. Most guys say, “I would never have the balls to do that” but you really don’t need balls if you just remember one thing that will stop you from being scared when implementing this/approaching:
Everyone is nice and laid back with someone. She may look official/pretentious or seem dry and uncooperative at first but never forget that each woman you approach has a best friend, a boss and usually at least two other people in their lives to whom they enjoy talking or have to be nice. Even though they may appear “cold,” it is just a facade. EVERYONE knows how to have a proper conversation.
Always know that under every cold/official/pretentious facade there’s a real person just hiding behind it.
It’s all about not buying into the facade they’ve created for themselves.
If you act like you understand and see through it by observing and stating the obvious/the unspoken then you will break through that falsity and instantly begin talking to her in the same casual way that most people talk with their closest friends.
Now I’m going to prove to you that all you need to know is how to use these 4 principles and nothing else.
You will see that John’s question came from a mindset where he’s still thinking about having a step by step process (“one must follow two and without them you can’t use three”). In my eyes that is the wrong way to do things. It’s practically like learning a script as it’s just as conducive to mental blanks and verbal fumbling.
Think of it more like this: The more you use these 4 principles with women, the easier it will be to pick up women quickly. Each principles comes with its own benefits which to list them very briefly are:
- Counter-intuitiveness: Differentiates you from all the other guys the woman has ever met. Now you’re someone “really special” who can easily sweep her off her feet. This is most important when opening as it convinces her to give you a chance and cooperate with your advances.
- Push/Pull: This creates attraction. In a literal sense it is “teasing” and “complimenting,” respectively. Push someone away too much and you’re an “asshole;” pull someone in too much and you’re “too needy.” It’s a balance.
- Indifference: Act like you have 100 women already. “I want you and I’ll be clear about that but I don’t need you.” Not only is this very attractive but more importantly it makes sure you remain appearing composed, unflustered and confident at all times, even if you’re not.
- Playfulness: This is the only principle that won’t determine WHAT you say; it determines HOW you say it. It’s all about delivery and can be used to fine tune what you say. For example, “fuck off” is an insult but when said playfully (elongated and with a smile) it’s a friendly joust similar to “no way” or “get lost, I don’t believe it!”
Here’s how it went down at the Motor Show with the Lexus girl in the picture:
T: “Hey, you guys look pretty interesting (direct approach) but before I ask you about the new Mazda you need to promise not to give me any more bags or brochures because I’m getting a slipped disc (playfulness/humor) carrying around all this promotional stuff.” (counter-intuitive, indifference)
Her: *Laughs* (get her to laugh, it alleviates all tension and awkwardness) No that’s okay. I’ll promise not to, just a business card…
T: *Looking really concerned* How much does that business card weigh? (playfulness)
Her: *Laughs* Not much. I’m sure you can handle it, you’re a strong young man. (notice how “strong young man” is not a common thing for a woman you’ve just met to say. When you hear things like this they’re called a woman’s Indicators of Interest. It means you’re getting through and she’s playing along)
T: Trust me, I’m not a “strong young man” (counter-intuitive). Don’t let the biceps fool you; deep down there’s a frail old woman just craving prune juice (humor/playfulness).
(If you see good behavior, reward it. She broke through her cold facade and opened up by complimenting me. This is a positive thing so I’ll reward her by being playful again which now has set the stage for flirting.)
Her: *Now laughing very hard* Hahaha, don’t bag the prune juice, it’s the breakfast of champions.
(Notice how she’s still playing along but it’s not longer about her complimenting me or being into me? If don’t do something soon this will turn into a conversation about prune juice. It’s time to begin flirting and that’s done by first being playful and then bringing in push/pull. )
T: I’m going to be blunt (counter-intuitive), which seems like a rarity at these things (stating the obvious) but you are by far the coolest exhibitor in this exhibition (pull). Everyone’s so official and it just makes it so boring. What did you say your name was (start number closing routine)?
(Here I used a more advanced application of the 4 principles called “framing.” It’s counter-intuitive as even though I know for a fact this girl is naturally an ice queen I’m complimenting her and making her feel good about being the opposite of that. I’m rewarding good behavior and also setting up the right expectations as to how I would like her to act toward me. I know what I want and I say it; that’s also attractive.)
Her: I’m Sarah.
T: *I take out my phone and type in “Sarah”* “Sarah…” I already have a “Sarah” in there. I’m going to put you in as Prune Juice Sarah (push, playfulness).
(She laughs again. She’s having fun so why wouldn’t she give me her number? And she did, as easy as pie, despite having a boyfriend.)
Her: I have to say I really shouldn’t be giving my number out to strange men I just meet.
(Here the obvious response would be “it’s okay, you really have nothing to worry about.” I’m going to make that counter-intuitive.)
T: You really shouldn’t (counter-int.) because I am indeed a serial killer (playful) and you’re too cute (pull) to be on the front of a newspaper (push). In fact, I’m going to delete your number right now (indifference).
(I use the 4 principles so often in everything I do that now I rarely have to think, they’re just automatic enough for me to pack four of them into a five second response)
Her: No, no, no. I’m just kidding, it’s okay. I didn’t mean for you to delete my number. If you’re still here around 5 p.m. I’m free to grab a drink if you want?
“I now see HOW it works but I’m still a little unclear as to WHY it worked.”
Okay. So in answer to John’s question above, the more you use the 4 principles the more women will flock to you. I applied them here and there until my last comment which had all four and look at her response.
Some may call it basic reverse psychology but either way I now had Sarah not only begging me to keep her number but also wanting to see me that evening. You see, it’s all about using the 4 principles to reward good behavior and reprimand bad behavior.
When Sarah originally complimented me I rewarded her with happy things like humor and playful teasing.
When Sarah started to test me (even though it was only slightly) by calling me a “strange guy” I reprimanded her with a push and indifference. Basically I threatened not to call. It communicated that I simply don’t have time to be messed around but I didn’t say “fuck you, I didn’t want to call you anyhow;” I handled it in a calm and composed way. I kept my “frame” through just remembering to demonstrate indifference.
I used counter-intuitiveness at the start to differentiate myself and get her to give me a chance after the opener. I also applied it where I could at other times (mostly in responses to her comments) to really emphasize the fact that I’m fun, different and not like all the other nervous and awkward sobs that poop themselves when they approach the one hot woman at a corporate event.
That interaction took one minute. People say that isn’t enough to build attraction but I say they’re deeply wrong. I couldn’t meet Sarah at five (mostly because I met her at 11am and wasn’t prepared to wait around). I told her this on the phone at 5 p.m. when I called her:
T: Hey sorry Sarah, as cool and as cute as I thought you were I could not wait around the exhibition center until 5 p.m.
Her: Oh… that’s okay, where are you now?
T: I went home to finish a painting I was restoring (Counter-int.: most men don’t paint. I was an artist in a past life so I actually do paint and use it to demonstrate my higher value than other men where I can).
Her: Wow, you paint? That’s incredible. What kind of art?
(Even though this is a compliment and I want to reward good behavior now, I already have attraction and want to move into rapport and her seeing me for me, without the techniques. Just know that counter-intuitiveness always takes priority when it comes to rapport. It’s all about being down to earth and real. Most guys here would take the compliment and implicitly agree that ‘Yes, I am incredible’ and you’ll just look like all the other confident, arrogant guys she’s met. Now through being counter-intuitive I’m about to show her that I’m not like that. In fact, I’m legitimately confident because I don’t have to lie about my abilities. I am not an amazing painter. If I made out otherwise she would come over and see for herself that I’m just a guy who thinks his art is “amazing.” It’s better to remain indifferent; you don’t need to sell yourself to her. If you actually mention your good points and then play down how good they are you will get women and people in general building them back up for you and in effect, selling themselves on how good you are.
T: Trust me, I’m a terrible artist (push, counter-int.). All I can paint is abstract stuff because if I even tried a portrait it would look like fourth grader with a crayon (indifference).
Her: Oh, I’m sure that’s not the case. I bet they look great.
T: *taking charge* Ah, well I’d invite you over to see them (pull). I only live ten minutes from the exhibition center and I’m home now but I can understand if that sounds really inappropriate (push, counter-int.).
(What I’m doing here is sending a mixed message, something I talk more about in detail in my online course. I also have learned from my past failures that inviting a girl you’ve picked up in only one minute back to your house is often seen as coming on way too heavy and doesn’t look indifferent at all. Now you are BLATANTLY chasing them, when in reality you want to aim for a balance where she chases you and you then choose when to let her seduce YOU. This may sound crazy but in reality, when most men pick up most women the woman is the one who’s saying “slow down” while the guy continually tries to move forward sexually. What we do at Seduce In Seconds is change that dynamic so you become one of the rare guys that baits the women into chasing him. It’s called being a “motherfucking player” and you can learn it all HERE.
If you enjoyed this article comment on it!
Hey T i am dating this girl at the moment which i really like but we don’t seem to share alot in common, will this ever work out without having to make it work??? i think this type of things take time but what if time separates us apart. She has heard stories of my pass life and its the hardest task to get her to trust me, i believe ones i gain her trust we will be able to relate much more.I love your videos they truly do work haha… but not with this one girl.I got her to brake up with her boyfriend because i truly do love her and i know i can be better than anyone she will ever be with, but now that i’ve got her its becoming a pain to just have fun. If you can get her to love me i will be sure your methods do work, i know you don’t need to prove anything to anyone but it would be a dream come true to see her eyes dying to kiss me. Another think, she has problems forgetting of her pass boyfriend who she’s dated for an year and me only two weeks.
thank you so much, it would mean the world to me to see this work!
i went to the auto show here in the states. i went during the day, in the middle of the week. the floor was wide open. these girls still have to get up and do their routine every so many minutes, it’s kind of funny to watch as they pitch to no one there. so, i park myself right in front of her, put my hand to my chin, with my other arm across my chest, and tune in super intently to her, and nod in agreement, shift my eyebrows with curiosity and amazement, and just lay it on thick. after she’s done and i have assured her i will indeed have a great rest of the day at the autoshow, she smiles. extends her hand so i can help her down and gives me her whole life s tory like we were old buds. i guess the counter in tuitive thing here is not playing into her role, but getting her to admit she’s stuck in one?
Hiya, just letting you know I’m still reading your articles.
I’m not sure why, but I like this sentence… “This is not such an unnatural things and if you’re able to understand it within yourself then you will be able to actively empathize with your target and understand exactly how to crack her open.”
: )
Hey, I really like your texts. But my english isn’t enough to fully understand. I read all text on your website, but I still don’t get, what does the push/pull means (can you explain easier?). I’m 17 years old, I go to school, I see so much pretty girls at my gymnasium, and I want some of them to kiss or even be girlfriend and boyfriend. Can you make me a short-easy plan how to do that?
Hey,
I’m simple guy, who goes to the gym, works out and I do have good style, but the problem is, that I don’t know what to say to girl. I’m 17 years old and in my school, there are SOO MANY pretty girls, that I want them to look at me not just a simple guy or a friend, but I want to kiss them or even become boyfriend and girlfriend. But in these tours I don’t get what means push / pull and kino. If it’s not so hard, can you make me easy – simple plan, how to flirt or even kiss girl at my gymnasium. I wait for reply.
Thanks,
Your faithful
Martin
Hey wass I like that your teaching us guys how to seduce/ attract girl picking them up like players but I want to know what is a counter intuitive can you explain it more and give some examples I will apreciate
thank yoyu for this very informative and encouraging article fabien
Always love reading your articles, that prune juice thing actually had me laughing out loud great sense of humour
So, you have included a set of methods to get a girl’s number….can you make something explaining throughout your experience….what to do after you get the number. (When to call her, whats the best thing to say, how to keep the fire ignited later, how to get her to bed…) do you understand where im going?
Thank You
-Gera
Heya T,
Very cool way to approach booth babes when your at a trade show,
I was at a IT Vendor show just last week and actually struggled to set the right tone of the interactions
its soo easy to know what you want inside and her are are these girlies who would fight tooth and nail for you to stop at their stall just vying for your attention,they want you to stop and talk to them..instant newbie assume rapport game right there… but setting the right flirty tone to start off with and not being seen as another customer who they wanto sell their product to is a hard tone to turn around from…oh yeah and it helps that most of the vendors have after show drinks budgets to get an invite back too = P
Only a few days too late for me = ( but keep up the good work man!
hey T, i like this girl at school and ive known her for a while, shes a “popular” girl, and im just that average guy like you, so how do i break the ice without feeling akward after if my approach doesnt work? thanks, id like you to respond, but if yout busy i understand
Thanks T I finally get it, I been trying to piece the puzzle of game for ages. But you have made it so clear, I was actually was so sick of canned material I was going to give up gaming. Now I realise it’s just about the fun playful vibe and using your principles you can build attraction (worked a little to well last night I was practically stalked). Just wanted to say thank you, you have just have made everything so easy.
hey, T!
I did it. I’ve melted a cold ice queen!
it was really hard at first, but i kept her awake all night just to get her to say yes.
hahaha
Thanks, man! You’re awesome!
but it seems that I’ve just got myself into a serious relationship. hahaha
That’s one thing I’m not good at…stopping women really falling for you and ending up having to let people down easy. I usually like to just be blunt upfront as to ‘not wanting a relationship’ and of course they always agree as they don’t want to ‘scare you off’ but in reality people can’t help falling in love and you always need to be conscious of not hurting people or taking an unfair advantage of them with these skills.
I think of it like a car. You can drive it to get from A to Z very quickly and efficiently. You can practice and use it to do amazing things and become an F1 driver and incorporate a sense of artistry into it…or you can use it as a lethal weapon to seriously hurt people. In other words, you don’t want to have car accidents because as tough as you feel your vehicle makes you, you will often be suprised as to how devestating it can be to see how you’ve affected people in a negative fashion.
Great advice, saved in my favorites.. keep em coming T!
-VibeS
Nice work t man!
It takes time and practice to actually get good at this.
Nice! Thks for this.
You seem really smart and quick-thinking. Is there any resource you would recc, that can help the rest of us develop further in this area?
Depends, what’s your issue?
2 hours and 3-5 approaches, that’s all. Have you tried it before you make this comment?
This girl keeps disapearing when i talk to her over the internet what should i say/do when she does? its rly annoying and im not in any of her lessons at school so its hard to get a chance to do anyof this stuff.
Thanks.
Wow,ain’t that just swell!! You’re an artist!! You’ll get women anywhere/anytime with that line!
So,what for the rest of us schmucks who do normal/mundane jobs and try to pick up women??
Are you going to tell me to avoid the question and tell her about my hobbies instead?! yeah, like that works!
just another joe schmo sick of reading all the lame ass PUA experts trying to get money out of us!
Hey, T.
Just stumbled across your sight through that fantastic job you did on that “Kiss a Girl You Just Met Video”.
I have one question, though. Can your techniques be applied to women you already know? Cheers.
Hey T,
I’m simple guy, who goes to the gym, works out and I do have good style, but the problem is, that I don’t know what to say to girl. I’m 17 years old and in my school, there are SOO MANY pretty girls, that I want them to look at me not just a simple guy or a friend, but I want to kiss them or even become boyfriend and girlfriend. But in these tours I don’t get what means push / pull and kino. If it’s not so hard, can you make me easy – simple plan, how to flirt or even kiss girl at my gymnasium. I wait for reply.
Thanks,
Your faithful
Martin
Hey, fucking loser with a blog. You such a big fucking man, why don’t you get all your sexual conquests to post their pictures on your blog and be proud to be seen with you? Or all you can get are photos of models at car shows,huh? Girls who are paid to be friendly with losers as part of their jobs. I went to a porn convention once and not only got photos I got laid!!! cheap women are easy, and your bull shit only work with loser women like you birds of a feather fuck together.
Great job! You’re one of the best arround! Keep it up!
Heyyy my name is Matador,
I love the way you play with the mind, and i would like to learn some more ways to apply your 4 principles in the different situations.
Can you explain and demonstrate more ways you use your 4 principles.
Also, i am trying to learn additional things that will help me with achieving the “unordinary man” status like body language and the art of psychologic manipulation, what do you think about it ?
Matador
witam, wygląda na to że gość ma podejście do kobiet, czyli nie jest zdesperowany.
Stronka jest ok.
Pozdrawiam wszystkie kaszaloty;)
see you.
Hello there, i have a problem i like one girl that knows me well but i am just a friend to her… and she is datting someone… plz someone tell me how i should proceed to get a relashionship with her and what i need to do to be atractive to her?
why is it a bad thing to ask the girl for her number
Hi T, I have been watching your videos and reading articles and i find it interesting. I’m currently studying in college and i have this classmate that i really like, she is a tomboy. we are like good friends but she tells people that she is not interested in starting a relationship, is there any way that i can make her start a relationship with me ?
@ Jose
If you ask she can always say Yes or No, if you tell her she’s 70% going to do it if you did a good flirting.
If you people think this is just a blog you should check out the videos and if you can’t see why things he says above would work, I’m afraid you have a long way to go.
Everything he says makes sense and is what people do when they get laid if you pay attention.
Hey T, great article, but what happened after you invited her to your place?!?!?
Did you poke her?
i have to say you are not talented but blessed with an amazing gift..at first i thought you just trying to make money like everybody else,,but trying your stuff i managed to spend a night with a brunet stripper without paying and a blond tall and slim girl super hot within a 3 weeks,,,, am moving out of the loser life but how can i maintain this i can go back easily
I’ll try this and i’ll let you know…
I’m french and women in paris are really cold and bitch shielded… sometimes you can’t even stop them
i’ll post my results soon
take care
Hey T, how much of this stuff can still apply to a girl who turned you down once? What methods need to be changed?
Hey T i wish im like you wow!!! I just got out of a 5 year relationship im 26 from south africa and have no idea where to start with woman dam its hard to walk up to woman and even say Hi. I want to get out there and meet a lot of woman but how do i do that? Gee it would mean the world if you can help me please help me thanks a lot
Eddie
eyy t supp man i like your style reminds me of a mate i once had. i wanna try this stufff out man but i cant go up to girls like you do i cant find the confedience and i got nothing to say t them wat would be the first steps in doing this cause its getting really annoying dude i get some many oppatunties in one day it aint funny man :S thanks man talk soon.
Hey T,
I really enjoy reading your articles and watching your vids. Your advice is great man! Makes A LOT of sense….
HIIIIIIIIII T
I WANT A DATING coach to teach me …..
i have choose u because u r really talented
but u not really talented but u have much talent than other….
I think these techniques work on people you just meet.
Jin:
If she has turned you down once, you need to say, no problem, date someone better looking for six months.
Denis, Stop being her friend. Start being a little bit mean.
im 16 and one thing i noticed about the situation is that instead of sticking around until 5:00 and seeming needy, you went home and to her it showed higher value. another guy(myself) probably would have stayed around until 5pm to again have a drink with her which would be cool but seem also needy and desperate.
T
i have this problem, im starting to get with girls and get their phone numbers but somtimes i see a really beautiful girl with her mates, how do i approach a group of friends?
thanks
james
hello ! … well, I’ve got a very strange story.. but I really love the girlfriend I have … she’s so much older than me … she’s got a very great experience in her life and she’s also so clever and cunning … sometimes she has some indifference and I really want to keep being with her forever … as if she watched your lesson (actually she didn’t) .. I do know her , she will instantly leave me if I have any kind of indifference …. and there’s another point she’s still in contact with some friends , one of them is her ex-boyfriend …. what shall I do to make her want me and be seduced by me ??? please may you tell me ?
After reading your article, I have to say man you are really good..
At making typos.. I couldnt help but notice you have made so many typos in your article..
(pull)
lol this is fun
Whoo! Love your tips. I’m a female and I’m using this against males.
Men are just as susceptible. I’ve always been decent with guys, but now the game just got a lot easier.
Thanks for sharing the knowledge! <3
A magnificent article! Thanks man!!!
Hi, I saw some videos of your channel on Youtube and from there I found out this website, after reading this article all I have to say is REALLY THANK YOU MAN. This will help a lot in some pickups that I’ve been think about doing in my work. I’ll read a bit more to pick more ideas that can help the game work at job.