Want to be the “cool guy” at school, college or work? Hold on, here’s how…
Whether it’s about popularity in school or later in life, you’re about to discover why you never were one of the “cool kids” at school, why you may not be one of the “cool kids” post-school and how you can change that quickly and easily.
Even though most of my clients are around the ages of 24 to 60, I still receive many requests from younger guys and girls for help with picking up at school as well as popularity issues. For those of you not in school anymore, this article is still for you because I will show you how nothing has changed in people’s mentalities.
How to become the “cool guy”
At school the popular kid acts better than everyone else and in effect convinces others, through their indifference and attitude, he/she they is better than everyone else. Once we leave school nothing much changes. There’s always that hottie in the office who fobs off an attempts to pick her up or at a more extreme level, the celebrities by which most of us are so starstruck. In reality, the cult of celebrity is just as common in the schoolyard as it is in the real world.
For those of you still at school who want to know how to become popular and/or seduce the popular students in your year, pay attention: it’s all about attitude. For those of you school-leavers start thinking about the instances in the real world where social pressure convinces you that someone or something is “popular” whether it’s a tabloid magazine, PR or just 10 million people going nuts over Twilight and vampires. It will all be covered and dissected here.
To my younger readers: If there’s anything explained in a way that’s too hard to understand just ask me a question below.
To older readers: You’re about to realize why you weren’t the cool kid in school and why you may still be condemning yourself to being on the outskirts of the “cool” group. Pretty soon you will have learned how to run that group from now on.
How to Become Popular at School and Work
Picking up girls at school is not always easy. I wasn’t so bad with women outside of school but in school I personally was terrible. I basically knew no one and kept to myself. Certain schools and years have groups, each with its own “group mentality.” These groups are just like rock bands; there’s always a lead singer that is generally accepted as being “the leader” and it is often the undiscovered ones down at the local bar that play the best music. The “popular” ones just THINK their music is the best because they convince people they are the best when in fact they’re just as average (if not more so) than everyone else. For example, think of how Kesha or Sean Kingston have number one singles while the real talent often goes unnoticed.
Choose Your Label
In other words, if you’re in group A you will be seen by the people in your year as a “group A.” If you’re at work and ogle the secretary with the other guys around the water cooler then you will be seen as “one of those macho perverts.” Either way, the people with whom you spend your time will define how people label you. This does not mean you need to get rid of your original friends. In fact, this is often unwise since most “losers” find it hard to fit in to the superficial culture of the “popular groups” only because they are often highly intelligent. There’s usually unnecessary drama and bitching in the “popular crowd” just because the people in it are bored and/or insecure. The few times I actually worked my way into the “popular groups” proved really not to be worth it. They were filled with people that, though they may have been hot and popular, ultimately lacked substance, empathy and most of all intelligence.
Understand the Popular Power Players:
- popular group of girls
- sporty/popular guys
- slightly alternate semi-popular people
- the nerds/geeks/intellectuals/conscientious students
- the musicians and band fans
- the stoners and guys who think they’re tough (the bullies)
Each year group is different and you need to try to figure out which group you’re in and what people think about you in your school/year. Most guys just fall by the wayside and don’t even get noticed. This is a good position to be in.
It means you can reinvent and re-insert yourself back into where you want to be in your school’s cliques. However, if you were anything like me I personally liked my friends and felt there was NO WAY in hell I would ever be prepared to be friends with the “popular kids.”
Why you don’t like the popular crew but still feel bad about not being in it
The “popular kids” or even just “the hottest girl/guy in your year/school” usually have a celebrity-like status in your mind and in the minds of others. This is because they often actively try really hard to be cool and usually see results so they keep doing it. You hear about the makeup, parties, clothes, money and houses but most of all, the stories. Word of mouth is a very powerful marketing tool and if you hear that “Carly slept with Ja Rule,” as I heard about one girl I knew,
you start to associate that person with the cool people with whom he/she hangs out and then he/she gets social proof to confirm that he/she is indeed popular. After all, everyone is now treating him/her like a celebrity and he/she starts to like it so he/she internalizes it.
It’s all about peer pressure. The secret is simple and always has been that if you act better than everyone else and like you’re a big celebrity who needs to be treated as a god, people will believe you. Once a few people believe you, the social proof will spread and you’ll start to find people to whom you barely even speak becoming fearful and envious because the way you act is so convincing that they do not dare challenge you.
Some people will challenge you and still call you a loser or not buy your “coolness.” This is often because you do not look or sound like a cool kid. Your hair, your clothes and your response to criticism are all things on which “cool kids” will test you before they accept you as “one of them.” You need to be aware of how they see you and know how to counter that.
As an adult you will get these “tests” regularly too, whether from your boss or some buff model-like guy/girl in a club who looks you up and down and ignores everything you say.
This means they are now truly and inherently “popular students” because now everything they do and say looks and sounds like that of the other “super popular students.” There are often only one or two of these and it is usually dictated by looks. This is where most people learn that “good looking people are usually popular and confident and should be treated better than other people.”
Adults still look at hot women just like students look at the “popular kids” in school.
Adults have their own version of “popular kids” with the exact same social characteristics of the ones at school. These were the first things I tried to condense down into core elements back when I was 13 (I ripped articles out of men’s magazines and aggregated them into what we called ‘The Bible,” just like in American Pie.
Even though the chicks were hot and the guys got invited to parties I felt that they were all shallow, superficial losers. They cared about designer clothes, nice cars and designer drugs at two of the three schools I attended. I did hang with the “popular” kids a few times in my life but I rarely ever stayed.
Both they and I could tell that I was not one of them. I didn’t care about gossip, material things or fake IDs. I cared about music, computers and people who I thought were just logical and didn’t try too hard.
Most guys who “aren’t popular” feel this way and my best advice is to keep your friends as they are, if you have them, and use this stuff outside of school. That’s the easiest way to become popular IN school. Pick up girls and make friends from other nearby schools. This way you will have a fresh start with them and not be tainted by how people perceive you in your current school.
These other people you will approach and befriend (or befuck) will invite you to their parties/social events where you’ll often run into the “popular kids” from your school. They may still look at you as a “loser” or try to make you out as one to others, depending on how mean they are.
This was the approach I used in my last two years of school once I started formulating some strategies for socializing. I realized that out of the three schools I attended, all the “popular kids” shared some commonalities.
They all had people convinced that they were popular:
My current girlfriend was the “popular girl” at her school and now dating her and talking to her about how she treated people who “she wasn’t friends with” was a real eye opener. One example is that she used to just say “Hey, you!” to some “loser” who was so happy that a hot girl was talking to him that he came over right away.
She would then hand him her rubbish and say “can you put this in the bin for me, please?” with a really sweet, angelic smile and he would because he “didn’t want to get on her bad side when she was finally talking to him.” Deep in her mind though she NEVER had any respect for these guys and NEVER became even friends with them.
The guys that became her friends, and still are, were not always just the “popular” good looking guys. The only three guys with whom she’s still friends are MASSIVE geeks. One’s a sound engineer hippy guy, the other is his brother who’s a mechanical engineer and the third is a computer programmer now. All REALLY smart guys with very low confidence but also 100 percent nice guys to the core. It’s their niceness that made them really good friends but it was their refusal to take shit and their awareness of double standards that got them past the initial introductions.
Double standards and “not taking shit:”
Feel like the “cool people” act as if they’re from a totally different planet? Well, they’re not. They’re often just fucking with people and seeing how far they can get away with acting like brats. Most people play into this, including their family and friends) and help confirm that it’s an okay way to act. In reality it just confirms in their minds that they can get away with any type of bad behavior.
You need to know when to put your foot down. The easiest way to do this is that next time you’re unsure of whether you’re being treated poorly or not, ask yourself, “If I were to say that back to him/her, how would I expect him/her to react?” In other words, if someone says something to you and you’re not sure if it’s bad or not, think about how he/she would react if you treated/talked to that person in such a manner.
People are “losers” in school and then in life once they graduate for ONLY two key reasons:
1) They show people that even the slightest disrespect will be punished. Unpopularity is like a cancer and the only things more common than a “popular” student at school or a hot new celebrity on scene are the people who have come before them and now are just old news. This often happens because they start to listen to what people say about them and show they’re affected. The teasing, the gossip and all those other negative factors counter the new attitude they’re adopting. This negative publicity can make or break popularity and if you start letting people talk down to you or bully you without retaliating then you will be seen as the “loser” again.
Retaliating means just showing (in whatever way) that there is no way “I’ll take that shit from someone like YOU.” Most cool kids would never let a geek tell them to “put this in the bin for me” or “give me a chip.” If you were to ask the hottest girl in your year to give you a chip, you would expect her to tell you to “fuck off” just because you’re not her friend and you’re not “asking” like a popular kid would ask. The truly popular people/students are not superficial nor stupid even though they hang with people who are generally pretty self-absorbed. You’ll rarely see them having to fight someone to get their way (physically or with words). Instead, they’re totally indifferent.
“Indifferent” means that they do not react nor seem affected by the teasing, gossip and hassles. They often just see through how ridiculous, shallow and unfounded people’s criticisms of them are and just laugh right in their faces. They know deep down that they’re smarter than these people and can manipulate them if needed. Anyone who dares to call them “sluts” or “losers” does not get a response of “no I’m not, you’re the loser” from the truly popular person. Rather, this person just looks at everyone else as a big joke because he/she knows better (or thinks he/she does).
2) They have attitude. The “cool kids” pick up women at school because they often convince themselves they are cool and that mentality, like a virus, spreads to those who meet them. If people see you ACTING and SPEAKING like a popular person then that is often enough to convince them you’re not someone with whom they should mess.
The problem with not being popular:
Most people spend their whole school lives trying to become popular or get in with the popular group so that they can get the respect, have the fun and get the girls. If you’re not one of these popular people at school you start to get scared by the authority the “popular people” have and when you go to talk to them you’re nervous. It is this nervousness that communicates that you are not “one of them” be it at school, in a bar or even at work.
Do not loose sight of the fact that nearly 100 percent of the time this “popular” facade is just an act whether it be from the “hottest girl in the school” or the “cutest girl at the bar.” The way to break through it is simply by showing them that you know it’s all just an act and talking to them just like you would to anyone else. The way you talk to your friends is not as different as you may think from how the “popular people” talk to each other. The leader is usually the one who calls people out on their bad behavior and who is not worried about “saying that to the hottest girl in the school.”
It is easy to say all this but not so easy to do it, particularly when you walk back into the school yard and just walking up to the popular kids starts to seem impossible. The way to do it is by Sun Tzu’s old strategy of divide and conquer. Get the “popular kids” when they’re alone because when they’re with their friends they usually feel more powerful and are less likely to want to look cool and reject you along with the rest of the group.
Keep hunting these people when they’re alone and soon when you do approach the “cool group” half of them will already have treated you nicely and with respect and this mentality will then spread and communicate to the others that “you’re not to be treated like a loser.”
All the best on your popularity quest. I hope now you understand that “real cool” and “faked cool” can often have the same effect and most “cool kids” are exactly like you. They’re just pretending they’re not! Now you know that the most popular/famous/cool people are often confident and intelligent enough to understand that they too have felt “not so cool” at one point in time and that it’s all about laughing at people who try to convince you they are cool by giving you attitude. It is not about “getting into the cool group,” neglecting your earlier friends or just enjoying being at the top for your 15 minutes of fame. The lasting popularity comes from being friends with everyone, not just “the cool kids.” In fact, they often grow up into the loser adults who end up as 35 year old middle-level managers driving $100,000 cars (despite only earning $60,000 a year).
Write me a comment below if you want to know anything else.
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