Learning how to approach a woman is something that has been discussed by men since the dawn of time. There are many different schools of thought on just how to approach a woman, however, I would like to focus on the non-verbal aspect of this skill as I feel most men forget that a good first impression can make your life a lot easier.
The issue for most guys
What men say is contradicted by how they look and how they say it. You could be saying something that is confident and attractive without appearing confident and attractive.
You look hunched, your voice is wavering, your eye contact is either way too intense or totally nonexistent and you’re not dressed like most confident hip guys. In learning how to approach a woman we will try to get you around these issues.
How men can attract women
The best thing to do is to tape yourself. I do this with all my students who I am teaching how to approach a woman and record what they say. There are a few key things by which I judge their success and I don’t care if they succeed or not because sometimes they can just fluke it. They need to have their game tight so that they can handle both the mice and the cheetahs.
I take a head-to-toe approach.
1) Your Voice
You need to be talking to her as if she’s the 100th attractive woman you’ve spoken to today. This is easy to say but hard to do, particularly when you’re anxious. You need to do at least three approaches as practice before you start taking yourself seriously.
The best way not to be nervous with women is by exposing yourself to them. It sucks but it’s the only way to get you more complacent with your nerves.
The problem is that your voice gives you away. It’s often too fast, stilted or too soft. Either way, you’re contradicting the confident things you’re saying if you’re doing one of these things.
2) Your Posture
The boring things your mother used to tell you about standing up straight were right. If only she told you that it could help you get pussy later in life, I’m sure you’d take her words more seriously.
Most of us are taller than the women to whom we’re talking. This causes us to hunch a bit so we don’t look too overpowering. Standing up straight can be intimidating but a hunch makes you look needy and validation-seeking. Worst of all, you just don’t stand like most confident guys do.
The secret on how to get good posture when learning how to approach a woman is to lean back with your chin slightly raised just to keep your head from sticking out from your body like a pigeon.
How far back?
Well, my general rule is to lean back far enough so that the top of your manhood is touching firm against the inside of your zipper. I don’t mean walk around protruding your love-meat; it’s a subtle thing that is not meant for that but does get your hips where they need to be to help direct your torso.
3) Your Eyes
Having good eye contact does not mean “do not break eye contact.” Normal people break eye contact by looking to the side and just looking around in general. Obviously don’t look as if you’re not paying attention but seriously avoid being someone who is basically staring at your woman as you’re talking to her, otherwise you will develop a bad case of what my girlfriend calls “serial killer face.” Break eye contact every 20 seconds or so. It will help with your nerves too because looking her dead in the eye can seem quite confrontational if you’re learning how to approach a woman you’ve just met.
4) Be within Touching Distance
One thing that ends an approach quicker than Ellen DeGeneres ends a fish burger is your zoning. Keep note that I discuss all of these things in-depth inside the course but in short when learning how to approach a woman you need to be in the “social zone” which is standing about 0.5 to 1 meter away from each other.
Often there can be a lull in the conversation and both of you realize that you’re standing about a step further away from each other than real friends would when they talk. This will just reassure both of you that you simply don’t have the level of rapport friends have, let alone lovers.
It’s just bait for awkwardness and worst of all when you’re stretching over to touch her on the side of shoulder, forearm, hard or even face it looks very unnatural and forced.
Yes, this type of touching is appropriate and it is essential for knowing how to approach a woman and keep her attracted to you.
Her physical hardwires are too potent to neglect and the earlier you start building up your touches from getting her attention when opening to using touches for emphasis/gesticulation then to helping bolster your verbal advances and mimic them physically.
All things essential to getting her hot fast and if you can’t do it quickly and effectively then every minute more is a greater risk of losing her.
Cheers,
T
well i went clubbing alot in aust and it worked for me.. i reckon its the simplest way to start the convo. asking what drink you are drinking.. pshh so boring.. as T mentioned.. i reckon best one is commenting on what shes wearing is a good one too.. also making eye contact is important too and body posture is the MOST important.. u gotta look confident otherwise they look at u as a push over.. lastly.. always smmillleeee
.. although i was very weak on flirting texting but as i gained expierence.. u got to push/pull.. and treat them bad. somehow they love that shit i dont know y.. but it works.. but if u r dealing with older women it doesnt work though coz u gotta show some maturiy although u do need to flirt time to time otherwise they get bored of u and flick u off..
how can i start a conversation with a random cute girl
say hi
ehi! T this place is amazing!! you are doing a great job, since when have you been doing this?
I’m 20 and I’m only in the beginning of my pick-up experience. I’m in Miami going to the University, I was wondering If you would recommend to try to pick up girls in the UNI too?
Thanks, have a good day
Raf
Picking up girls at uni is probably the easiest. You already have a context and plenty of stuff to talk about. In fact, uni was the place where I got the most action. There are plenty of activities and events and, some, where you know it or not, are meant to be for students to meet….I’d approach a girl and say ‘hey, I’ve seen you on campus and wanted to say hi……”
As i want to tell u i m studying in a university, i see lot of preety girls daily and lot of preety single girls raoming alone in the campus, but i didn’t find the level of cofidence to approach the that i like randemily in the campus, please tell how to have this courage and confidence to do so.. and how should i start and what should i ask or tell her first her when i wanted to talk to her?? please please tell..
I know what you mean, with confidence. I’m still at highschool but its kind of the same idea.
the thing is, most of the time I myself find that I don’t have the confidence or courage to walk up to her and talk to her, but by standing and doing nothing you won’t learn a thing. it’s actually very good to fail because you learn most of that.
but to get to the point I always think like: I already have the a no for answer, so i don’t have anything to lose. and besides there’s enough fish in the ocean.
as stated above, you need to do a few things so what you talk about is actually not really the problem. just throw in some teases and wait for her reaction it might give you something to talk about…
(not a pro, but it might help?!?)
Something that has worked for me recently is to totally avoid the usual questions. I made a mental rule to avoid questions like What’s your name/major/etc…and just use them until the very last minute. In my job, I need to talk to tons of people I don’t actually know and only get to know them once they use our services….so I sort of follow a similar approach to meet women….
The other day I was having lunch and this cute girl sat diagonally across from me. I noticed she started eating dessert before her actual lunch, so I just jokingly said “Hey, you’re cheating…I thought you were supposed to leave dessert for last…” She burst out laughing and almost choked…she was forced to respond and justify herself, so I kept up teasing..we chatted for about 30 minutes and have actually met for “proper” lunch a few times…
On the elevator leaving the gym, this hot woman was sipping on a protein shake and I just said…”hey, I didn’t know they made those to go…”…she told me all there is to know about protein shakes…she’s a regular there, so next time I see her I can chat with her as if we were friends and I don’t even know her name yet…
Hey T,
I have a question for you. Lets say that your just starting out and approaching girls and it’s a new thing for you, and lets say that you get rejected (either because she has a boyfriend or maybe the timing is wrong for her, whatever it maybe) and it’s just not going to happen.
Could you turn to her and say “Wow, thank you very much I’m actually going through a process right now to rid myself of (Not so much of approach/rejection anxiety, because at this point you’ve already encountered both of them) bad social/communication skills with women”, now asking the woman that just rejected you “would you have any advice for me as I go through this process???”
I mean because you’ve already know it’s not happening, and at least you might get some advice from a woman’s point of view (and her advice would probably be ask questions about her, etc, but maybe you might get something different). And I also know that, this is basically what your teaching, but maybe I could speed up the process and start dating quicker and attack this problem.
hey T
i have a question about ringing girls for the first time. i mean is there anyway to brush the call off if there at work… and get a second chance… im sure u have had plenty of these calls so any help would be appreaciated
First, what you are doing is amazing. I just want to said thnx, you see I work in a salon. I play poker alot, by saying that; I can read body lang. And I pretty much do the straight forward approach, when talking to a female. The problem is, its very hard to keep a 30 to 45 mins conversation. I will usually have a good time talking to the female for 10 mins to 15 mins then, the conv. will fizzle. What is your take Mr. T-bag. loL no disrespect
Hey, Im hoping u can give me a little advice. I’m in 9th grade and there is this girl in 8th grade and I rlly want to ask her out it’s just tht I haven’t rlly talked to her yet and I was hoping u could give me a little advice
Opinion openers are key to getting you over your fear of approaching and into seemless conversations AT SCHOOL. You don’t want to go direct on such young girls as it’s ‘moving waaaay to fast for them’ – that works better with women over the age of 21. Use an opinion opener and get a female opinion about something that is either relationship based or based on the ‘unknown’ (e.g. do you think horoscopes are for real?). Then follow it with a reason / story as to WHY you asked – this will get you ‘opening’ better and after you’ve done this 5 times with PRACTICE girls, then go do it one the girl you care about as you’ll already be much less nervous and that will come accross as confidence!
Thankfulness to my father who told me about this website, this website is really awesome.
Just hoping the trend continues, that fewer and fewer men are approaching women these days, and that men could have some value some day. Maybe guys just need to hold out so that women cannot play these games.
What You are doing is great i mean i have a girl which i cherish a lot bt i met her in a certain social network she means a lot to me when i talk to her she makes my heart pump faster
I teach women too – I wouldnt consider them ‘games’ though – id consider it ways to show your best self.
Your dad is a cool dude.